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Fathers
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Fathers
A is 10 years old and has an earring. He loves to talk. He wants to help. He enjoys amusement parks and riding rides. He was concerned about my riding the flume ride and warned me about the steep drops. He is a Christian and goes to the Pentecostal Church. He asked where I went to church and had never heard of Baptists. He wanted to know what a Baptist was and relaxed when I told him we were Christians.
He and his dad are taking a few days to travel through Wisconsin and Minnesota. They were to end up celebrating father's day with grandpa. They are going to areas that A will enjoy. They were at the Wisconsin Dells the same day I was there and we swapped stories about riding the World War II Ducks. We both agreed that we liked them.
A's parents are divorced. When I asked A. if he had a gift for his father, he looked surprised. I'm not sure it had occurred to him to give a gift for father's day. I suggested that he make his father a card. How hard it must be for divorced mothers to teach their children to honor their fathers on father's day.
B works at Wal-Mart and looks exhausted. She had made no father's day preparations. Her father was dead and her children's father had left town. She said he did nothing for her for mother's day and she didn't intend to do anything for him for father's day. She has never married the children's father but remains unhappily with him.
She didn't seem very happy and when asked, she sadly said that at least she had her kids. She belonged to a wonderful church but has stopped attending. She seemed to have lost all hope. I doubt if she is teaching her children to honor their father. I asked B to go to church on Sunday. Pray that she finds her church again.
C is a bright and happy 4-year-old. We watched the animals together at the zoo. He was with his Dad. C's mother left him when he was six months. The father and mother never married but the father has had custody since he was 6 months old. C obviously adores his father and it was fun watching them together. I hoped that without a mother, someone will make sure that C honored his father on father's day.
D is 53 and just lost her husband and father of her only daughter. D lost her mother at age 15. Her father remarried 6 months later and immediately put her in a boarding school. He is dead now. The scars from the damage of that abandonment are still there. Father's day was very hard for D. She is a very strong Christian but fought it until age 29. She said her Christianity was a miracle because she had such bitterness towards the word father. Did her father deserve to be honored?
E and F shared the same father but had different mothers. Their father died 4 weeks ago. Each are grieving but the grief is different.
E spent her life laughing with, hugging, being loved by, and going to church with her dad. Her dad was the ideal grandfather to her son. As an adult, she and her husband lived next door to her father. Her father dying has left a very big hole in her life.
F had little to no contact with her father growing up. She saw him once 10 years ago and met with him for a couple of hours the day before he died. The day before he died, he met his two grandchildren for the very first time. Her earthly father now can never fill the hole in her life left by his absence.
Because their grief is so different, are they supposed to honor this father differently?
G is 5 years old. She is calling her mom's fiancé by the name of daddy. He seems to love her and she basks in that love. Please, God, may she have a father to honor?
H grew up the daughter of a minister. Everyone was watching her. Her father truly lived his values at home. She feels constant pressure to honor him by living up to the standards he believed in and is still living.
I is 48 and has a Godly father who is very active in her life. I sat in church and listened to him thank God for her. It is easy for her to honor her father.
J is the father of a teenage who is active in church. He is angry at this church and refuses to attend with her or his wife. Is it dishonorable for his daughter to go to a church that he despises?
L grew up the son of a minister. As an adult, he has fathered a child out of wedlock and currently lives with his girlfriend. L loves his father but isn't living by the values his father taught him. Is love the same as honor?
M spent his life wanting his father's approval. M died believing that he never really measured up to his father's expectations. How was M supposed to honor his father if his father wouldn't give his approval?
N grew up with her father sexually abusing her. She had no interest in buying a father's day card. Was that dishonor?
I have a living and loving father that I absolutely adore. I'm in love with the father of my children and I admire his parenting skills. Father's day is easy for me.
I have interacted with all of these people on my journey. I've given a lot of thought to father's day. We have an earthly father and a heavenly father. We use the same name for both. In talking with these people, they tell me that having an ungodly earthly father makes it more difficult to be intimate with a heavenly Father. Many have overcome it, but they told me it was difficult.
We are told to honor our father and mother. We are supposed to honor them our entire lives.
"You know the commandments: `Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother." Luke 18:20
NIV
As children, we are supposed to obey and honor them.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-4
As adults we are told to leave our parents and unit with our spouses. Adults that continue to "obey" their parents struggle with life. Adults that understand what honor means in their particular circumstances are wise.
God understood how important our earthly fathers are and warned them not to damage children. If your earthly father exasperated you, he was wrong. You were hurt by it.
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6: 5 NIV
None of us had perfect earthly fathers. Some had better fathers than others. Our Heavenly Father's love is perfect. He forgives us our mistakes and he asks that we forgive others. We are even instructed to ask God to judge us the same way we judge others.
"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Mathew 6:12
If your earthly father let you down, honor him and yourself by forgiving him. It will bring such peace. Forgiveness may or may not mean a change in the relationship with your father on earth but it will bring you closer to your Father in heaven.
Pray the prayer that Jesus prayed for the people that were torturing and killing him.
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34
NIV
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