|
Growing Up Fast
|
Growing Up Fast
Today I realized that enough time had gone by. I either had to decide I was letting my hair grow out to its natural color or find someone to color it for me. There was no choice. It will take more spiritual growth for me to let my hair grow out to its natural color.
Instead of heading for the hills, I headed for the mall. There I met Danielle. She did an excellent job of my color and hair cut.
Danielle is a beautiful 22 years old. She was attractive in a clean-cut way that got my attention. I was very impressed when I watched her with customers. She had a maturity that was beyond her years. In addition to doing my hair, she was also managing the shop. She was kind and responsive with customers and employees.
I was curious about where that maturity came from. We began to talk.
Danielle' s mother left the family when she was 2. Her father was both mother and father to his 2 young daughters. As a parent, he was loving and consistent. They were a family that included a loving grandmother who assumed much of the mothering role. They took vacations together and enjoyed being together. They would occasionally hear from the mother but had no relationship with her.
The father grew up with religion being forced down his throat so he didn't take the girls to church. When Danielle was 7, friends invited her to church and she loved it. She went regularly with these friends.
When Danielle was 16, she was beginning to get into trouble. She was still going to church but the youth leader had changed. She didn't like the new youth leader. She was experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Her grades dropped. Suddenly, she found herself pregnant.
She was terrified to tell her loving and concerned father. She wondered if he would throw her out. She felt like she had let him down. Finally, she got up the courage to tell him. She woke him up in the middle of the night. He listened quietly and told her to go back to bed. He said they would talk about things in the morning. What a wise father to give himself time before he reacted. I'm guessing that he didn't get much sleep that night and cycled through many emotions.
The next morning, her father told her he had already made her a doctor's appointment. He supported her through the entire pregnancy. He went to every appointment and was in the delivery room when she delivered.
Danielle never considered an abortion. She had friends who encouraged her to abort but she refused. She felt a burden for this new life. She stopped all drugs and alcohol as soon as she found out she was expecting.
She also stopped all dating. She focused on high school and being pregnant. The financial responsibility of this new life weighed on her and her grades went up. It was a difficult pregnancy and she was confined to bed for the latter part of the pregnancy. She had to work hard to carry this baby full term. She graduated with honors and her only date was the prom.
Not everyone was as understanding as her father. Mothers of friends worried about their daughters being with her. Her youth leader asked her to stop going to church. He was afraid she was going to be a bad influence on the other teens. Other people in the church showed great support
Jordan was born healthy and full term. Jordan, who is now 6, has grown up living with her mother and her grandfather.
After Danielle graduated from high school, she immediately went to cosmetology school. Her research showed her that this was the fastest way possible to have a good income. She graduated from cosmology school in record time.
She got a job in the shop where she is working and has been there since 1999. She works 6 days a week and every other Sunday. She works short days so she can meet her daughter home in the afternoon. The grandmother passed a way last year. Up until that time, the grandmother also helped with Jordan's care.
Danielle has remained active in church. She is only able to go every other Sunday because of work constraints. Through her church, she has met Bob. Bob is the first man she has dated since her pregnancy. She says Bob is a loving and kind man. He has a good job and loves his church. He enjoys Jordan. He woks helping mentally challenged adults. They have been dating 1.5 years and she believes it will result in marriage.
While I was getting my hair done, Bob came in the shop. He stopped by the mall to see is she needed him to bring her lunch. In the short time I had with him, I came to the conclusion that her description of him was accurate.
I asked about Jordan's biological father. He is the same age as Danielle. That means he was 16 when Danielle got pregnant. He asked Danielle to marry him but Danielle knew that wasn't the right thing to do. Danielle has made sure that Jordan has maintained a good relationship with her father and father's parents. They have provided no monetary support but Danielle felt like Jordan needed this relationship.
Through all of this I saw no sign of bitterness. I saw so many opportunities for bitterness.
The first opportunity for bitterness was having a mother that left her at such a young age. Danielle accepted the situation and was quick to tell me about all of the people that loved her.
The second opportunity for bitterness was her youth pastor asking her to leave the church. I have met so many people that gave up on church because of something unpleasant.
I asked why she was willing to stay active in church when church didn't support her in her time of need. She quickly said that it was one man that didn't support her. She would not blame church for what one man did. She said that was like blaming a salon for a poor hair cut when it was the stylist that messed up.
The next opportunity for bitterness was towards Jordan's father. Danielle has had to take the lead in making sure there was a relationship. As I mentioned, there was no monetary support. Danielle said he did the best that he could do. She didn't want her daughter to feel this loss in her life.
I asked her why I saw no bitterness. She said that her father taught her to take responsibility for herself. She got herself in this situation. She said getting pregnant was the best thing that could have happened to her. She said it saved her life. She believe she would have ended up a drug addict or alcoholic or with some kind of disease. When she got pregnant, she decided she was not going to mother like her mother. She got herself on track for her child.
I also believe her loving and solid father combined with the gift of church attendance provided by loving friends prepared Danielle for this situation.
Her reward is a happy and well-balanced life. She and Jordan say their prayers together every night. The picture of her daughter shows a clear-eyed happy child. She met a solid man in her church and he loves her. She made some mistakes early on that have resulted in a wonderful blessing for her.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." NIV
This could have turned out so differently. Danielle could have chosen abortion. Being the mother of 2 adopted children; I appreciate when mothers are willing to bear children under difficult circumstances. The world would have missed this beautiful child who loves the outdoors, church, and her family. Danielle and Bob wouldn't have gotten to feed the wild donkeys with Jordan last weekend at Custer State Park.
Many would say that Danielle should have given Jordan up for adoption. That was certainly a viable and commendable alternative. Again, being the mother of adopted children, I always applaud the courage it takes to give up a child for the child's own good. In Danielle's situation, her family had what it took to provide Jordan with a stable and loving family. Jordan became Danielle's purpose for staying on track. This family needed Jordan.
Danielle could have kept Jordan, continued a wild lifestyle and hope things turned out all right. Things would not have turned out all right. They This family would be dealing with a damaged and dysfunctional young child.
When things got hard, Danielle could have stopped trying and left Jordan with these loving grandparents. The grandparents would have taken the challenge and done the best they could. Danielle would have missed the self worth she has gained from her accomplishments.
She could have married Jordan's father. That would certainly seem like the most obvious solution. We can't second guess situations like this but it probably wouldn't have turned out well. Jordan would have lived through 2 parents trying to grow up together.
Danielle She could have turned bitter and spent her life feeling sorry for herself. She could have stopped attending church and wouldn't have met Bob.
I pray for Danielle. She has everything going for her. I pray that she will remember that all that she has is a gift from God. I pray that she will focus on her relationship with the God that loves her so much.
Even with all of her success, God has so much more planned for her. I pray that Danielle will apply her values that have worked for her to this current dating relationship. She is worthy of honor and I pray that she will honor herself in all that she does.
I pray that if she and Bob stay together, they will develop a spiritual relationship together that will sustain them for a lifetime.
May she love the Lord Her God with all of her heart, soul, and might. If she does this, she will reach heights she doesn't even know is possible.
|
|