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Jim and Kim
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Jim and Kim
When I think of their names, I remember that children's chant "Jim and Kim. Sitting in a tree. KISSING."
My tent was finally up. I finished cooking. I took a walk and met my neighbors Jim and Kim. Jim and Kim are taking an extended camping trip across the west. This trip was Jim's college graduation present to himself.
They are sleeping in Kim's covered truck. I have to admit, I was impressed with the truck. It had a top with screened windows. My priorities are changing. During this trip, they plan to meet both sets of parents and hopefully leave with parental approval for their relationship.
Jim and Kim met at college. They have been together 2 years. Jim is 27 and Kim is 22. Jim is 5' 6,'' mildly dark skinned and has a ponytail. His father is Jewish and from Iran. His mother is a Mexican Catholic. He joked about his heritage but I could tell he was proud of it. He speaks a good bit of both of his parent's language.
Kim is 5'11,'' light skinned, and has a nose ring along with her earrings. Her parents are from South Dakota and are Protestants.
Both Jim and Kim are cute as they can be.
Kim and Jim made jokes about what an unlikely couple they were. I didn't notice the physical differences until they mentioned it. I tend to see hearts and was thinking how well suited they were.
Of the two, Jim is clearly the extravert. He shook my hand and introduced both of them.
Kim is quieter. She was withdrawn at first but grew very warm as the conversation continued.
They both are intelligent and fun. I spent a delightful evening talking with them. We talked about very deep subjects that included nature, philosophy, religion, and spirituality. I kept feeling like I might be wearing out my welcome but they seemed to be encouraging the conversation as well.
They have been on the road for a while now and they admitted this was the first time they had gotten to know anyone else in a campground. I was flattered that two young people were willing to spend their evening with someone old enough to be their mother.
Jim just graduated with his bachelors in English. Realizing he needs something that will prepare him for employment, he has applied to graduate school. He plans to get a teacher's certification and wants to teach 5th graders. He jokingly said he took the 8-year plan. He wouldn't change a minute of his time at college. He occasionally took time off to be a ski instructor and says he will treasure those memories. Being a ski instructor is how he realized how much he enjoyed working with children.
Kim is a junior and majoring in wildlife. She wants to rescue injured animals. As she talked, I could see a true love of animals. She has a cat. She took her cat on her last vacation and admits that she won't do that again. She was very interested in hearing about the manatees that visit under my dock. She has never seen a manatee and has a Florida visit planned. I didn't think to invite her to my home but if she reads this, I hope she e-mails me and visits.
Jim's father had to leave Iran because he was Jewish. It was not safe for him to be there. His entire family is now in America. He worked hard and ended up owning a restaurant. Jim grew up working in this restaurant and says he can cook. His father sold the restaurant and now has a very successful dry cleaning business. Jim's father has a strong work ethic and modeled that for Jim.
Because of the religious difference, Jim's parents didn't really celebrate either religion. They attended Christmas and Easter services. They wanted their children to be able to choose their path.
Kim's background is protestant but only attended church on Christmas and Easter.
Kim and Jim were very open to talking about spiritual matters. They said that while they were not religious, they were spiritual. They have been enjoying the spiritual side of the nature that they are experiencing.
I shared my testimony that I had the reverse experience. I grew up religious. I could quote scripture and was faithful in church. In my late 20's, I hit a wall that resulted in a very spiritual and life changing experience. I was religious first and then spiritual.
I told them I was a Christian and how much I love my church. I simply love corporate worship. The difference now is that my spiritual relationship stands on it's own and is enhanced by corporate worship. I told them I had also questioned church but had decided that it was very worthwhile in my life. I shared how important it was to my family. I was impressed by how respectful Jim and Kim were to my beliefs. They were sincerely listening and seemed to care.
They seemed to enjoy the stories of the churches I have visited. They were particularly impressed with the story of Unity Baptist Church. You can read this story in the Daily Journal. I must have been missing my husband because I talked a little about the spiritual aspects of our relationship.
I confessed that as a couple, our spiritual relationship wasn't consistent. I told them a little about my 3 different marriages.
Marriage 1: We have the marriage where we are both spiritually fit. God is the center of that relationship and we have a 3-way relationship (Bobby, God, and me) that leads to unbelievable intimacy, joy, and fun.
We are kind to each other and put each other's needs first. We are deeply in love and we notice it every day. We both attend church regularly. We stay married because we are madly in love.
Marriage 2: Then there is the relationship where one of us is spiritually fit and the other is coasting. That marriage works because one of us acts as the anchor. It gets tense when the spiritually fit partner tries to prod. Over the years, we have learned to respect each other's right to grow at their own pace. We spend unnecessary time talking about "who's turn it is to do what" but we can usually work things out. We still attend church but not as often.
While we still are in love, the best way I can describe this marriage is a little stale. We stay married because there is no real reason not to.
Marriage 3: Finally, there is the marriage where neither of us is spiritually fit. This is our human marriage and our human sides come out.
This is the marriage where we can bicker and fight. We talk a lot about our own "needs" and "boundaries." We simply get on each other's nerves.
We are not consistently kind and can even be rude to one another. We still love each other, but can forget it.
Looking back on the darkest times in our marriage, we know that it had a spiritual cause and a spiritual cure. There was a couple of times where we didn't attend church much at all. We stay married during these times because we committed to each other and God that we would.
Jim and Kim have talked about church and spiritual matters. They believe that if either of them had come from a religious background, they might not be together. They think possibly the rules of a religion would have said they didn't "match."
I had to admit that they might be right. Between the religious and ethnic differences, some churches might have discouraged their relationship.
Certainly, some of their current life choices would be discouraged. I got to thinking about the barriers we put up in churches.
How frustrating it is when churches themselves become a barrier to people seeking to know the love of God. Jesus came to demonstrate that it is all about grace and love. We can separate others and ourselves from the love of Jesus Christ in our zeal to try to live up to the standards set by Christ himself.
Jesus became human to show us grace. Colossians 2:16-23 warns us about getting caught up in poor substitutes for the love of Christ. The churches of their day were getting caught up in the same kinds of things we argue about today. They argued over which food was right to eat and what religious events should be celebrated. They took a literal interpretation of the commandment that says remember the Sabbath and keep it holy and they were arguing about what someone could do on the Sabbath.
"Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day." 16
We are told that this kind of focus is a mere shadow of the real thing. If we represent a mere shadow, we shouldn't be surprised when people are not attracted to our churches.
Every church I have visited has fed me spiritually. I've written about so many of the positive things I have experienced. I was hugged, welcomed, loved, prayed for, and listened to.
I have also witnessed some of the things that might be keeping people from our churches. Our churches have good intentions and so much promise. They also can occasionally be representing "a mere shadow."
I visited a church that has made a barrier out of the hymns they sing. Some of the church wants to sing praise choruses. Others want to sing the traditional hymns. The pastor feels very strongly that the only thing that belongs in church is the traditional hymns. They hymns we sing are so wonderful but they are a mere shadow of God's love.
I visited another church that has focused on the scripture about not getting divorced. The pastor refuses to marry anyone who is divorced. This has forced some of their single members to either be married in another church or to get married outside of church. This has also caused members to leave the church and in some cases, not return to any church. While it clearly important to be committed to marriage, I believe this issue has become a barrier that keeps people from this church.
The Bible says that if we love and accept Jesus, we are forgiven of any mistakes we have made. None of us are perfect. We are simply forgiven.
It also says all sins are equal. This is what grace is all about. The Bible clearly states that God has no memory of our past. Certainly that lack of memory includes bad marriages.
I longed to give this otherwise loving pastor permission to follow God's lead and forget the past of his divorced members. I pray that he will focus on teaching these members how to apply this scripture to their future and forget and forgive their past.
"These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ." 17
I visited another church that debated there being one way to get to heaven and whether hell was real or a picture.
As I listened to each person argue, including the pastor, and give their opinion, I realized that no had a Bible.
I find the following passage humorous as I thought of how "puffed up" we can get over our version of Christianity. The expression "he if full of himself" comes to mind.
"Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow." 18-19
The pressure we put on ourselves and others to live by rules are really signs of spiritual weakness. We are demonstrating our human side when we try to make others live by our sets of rules. It is wrong to judge others and to let other's judgment impact our decisions.
"Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 20-22
On the surface, it might seem to be a good idea to have a list of rules and regulations. After all, didn't they come from the Bible? The temptation is to list these rules, to teach them to people, and to judge them when they don't obey. Our intent is certainly good. We want people to have happy healthy lives.
There is one problem with this approach. It doesn't work. Human being cannot live by a list of do's and don'ts unless they are personally convinced and convicted.
Anyone who has ever raised teenagers knows that rules do not work. Love is the only thing that ever keeps a teenage on track.
"Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence"
Rules would be great if they worked. They don't work.. What works is for someone to deeply know the love of Jesus Christ. When they know this love, they seek to know him better.
The Holy Spirit speaks to individuals and they find living a Godly life is no burden. In fact it is a joy. Then these same people go to the Bible and seek answers. The answers come individually and when a person is ready to hear and apply. God accepts our journey and we need to accept each other's journey.
There are "laws" in the Bible. Like the laws of our country, our freedom depends on our keeping these laws. Freedom in Christ is like that. The more we abide by God's way, the more we become free. We are absolutely instructed to not judge anyone. We are all guilty.
To Jim and Kim and everyone who is searching for spirituality outside the church::
I'm so sorry that the church isn't perfect. We are supposed to be the lamp stand of the world. We are not always that. We are guilty of many of the things people accuse us of.
I ask you to give us a try anyway. I ask you to apply the love of Jesus and forgive the humanness. Experience what the church has to offer.
Churches are made up of people and are a lot like people. Relationships with people are hard. People let us down. Good people that love us let us down. Some people choose not to be in an intimate relationship with another person because they have been hurt. They miss out on so much.
As you know from the love relationship that you maintain, those struggles are worth it. Love is worthy putting up with those bad moments. It is the same with church.
Church gives us a name for our Heavenly Father. It helps introduce us to him. The Bible describes his character so we can know him better. Church provides a place to study the Bible with other people.
When I met Jim and Kim, Jim shook my hand and gave me his name. Names are so important. Names help us to think about the people we know and to know them better. As I talked with Jim and Kim, we all revealed a little more about ourselves.
God has so many roles in our lives. He created us. He is the creator of the nature we see in campgrounds. He is the inventor of love and marriage. He has specific names and specific roles to play. I love the description of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit because it helps me to get to know the many faces of God.
God The Father
We worship God the Father. He is holy. He is the parent that lovingly guides, disciplines, and forgives. We sing about him in church. Churches lift our spirity. We talk to God the Father everywhere. What comfort there is in knowing there is a power greater then ourselves.
Jim and Kim hope for a life together. They will face many things. Church teaches us how to live, be married, and look to God the Father for strength outside ourselves. I pray that they will have that strength to lean on.
God The Son
Jesus is the human side of God. He understands our weaknesses and loves us through them. He teaches us about unconditional love. We have his unconditional love if we just ask. He points our way to an eternity with God.
If Jim and Kim plan to live their life together, they will find unconditional love essential. I pray that they will get to know by name and personally, the originator of unconditional love.
God The Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit is the sweet side of God. He is that peaceful feeling we get when we look at water. He is why Jim and Kim were talking about spiritual matters and church. He is the spiritual side of their trip together. He puts us together with the people we need. He is the still small voice inside of us. He calms us down and gives us comfort. Jim and Kim have already been introduced to the sweetness of God. They told me they were spiritual. I pray that they will learn to recognize that voice by name and be drawn to the sweetness of God.
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