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Worth Waiting For
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Worth Waiting For
Hanna is an intelligent and interesting 16-year-old girl. She was wearing stylish low cut jeans and a high cut tank top. She looked like any other happy go lucky teenager.
She got my attention because I was wearing jeans and a jacket. I wondered if she was freezing. She looked cute in her clothes and had obviously chosen looks over comfort. She was vacationing with her family and staying in the same hotel as I.
Hanna was traveling with her mom, her mom's boyfriend, and her 1-year-old son, Jessie. She got pregnant 1 month before her 15th birthday. At the time she got pregnant, Hanna was engaged to the father of her baby.
Hanna said she thought her mother was going to kill her. Her very angry mother got a restraining order against Hanna's 18 year-old- boy friend and Hanna and he broke up. Hanna says that he has changed and she is now glad she didn't marry him. Because of the order restricting his contact with Hanna, this man has only seen his son 3 times.
When Hanna got pregnant, she was active in a church youth group. The youth group asked her to stop attending activities. She no longer goes to church. She is continuing high school through a home school program so she can stay home with her baby. She goes once a week to turn in her work. She currently has a straight A average.
Hanna lives with her Mom and her Mom's boyfriend. In addition to keeping Jessie, Hanna helps take care of her sister's baby. Her sister is also an unwed mother but is about to marry the father of her baby. They have been dating for several years.
Hanna has a new boyfriend that lives part time with them and part time with friends. Hanna is engaged to him and believes they will eventually marry. Hanna says she needs some kind of change and is planning a trip to visit friends in Kentucky. She is leaving the baby with his father. She says she has done all the work and he can take care of him for 1 week or so. If Hanna likes Kentucky, she and her boyfriend and the baby will move there.
I asked Hanna about her relationship with God. She says she prays and reads her Bible all the time. She hasn't found another church that she likes. She agreed that Jessie needed to grow up in a church but thinks she has plenty of time for that. She misses church but doesn't feel welcome.
She has the same hopes and dreams that other 16-year-olds have. She wants to go to college and become a nurse. She thinks she will be happier in Kentucky and her eyes light up with the innocence of youth when she talks about it. She was getting a pillow from the hotel and as she hugged her pillow, I realized that she probably also cuddled stuffed animals. She was bright eyed and friendly.
There are so many things about Hanna's story that we don't know. We don't know if there were drugs and alcohol involved and if Jessie is healthy. I know the signs of drug and alcohol abuse and didn't see any.
We don't know anything about the boyfriend and what kind of father and husband he could be. I trust a mother's instinct and Hanna now says her mother did the right thing with the restraining order.
We don't know where Hanna's father is and what he thinks about his grandchild. We don't know if her mother ever married her father.
We do know that Hanna's mother is living with her boyfriend. We know that Hanna and her sister have both been sexually active before they married. We know there are two babies born without a married mother and father.
I asked Hanna if anyone had ever talked to her about the Holy sacredness of the sexual act when blessed by marriage. I asked if anyone had ever suggested remaining a virgin until she married. The answer was no to both questions.
I shared a little of the precious 31 years with my husband. I encouraged her to seek that in a relationship and tried to give her a vision of the rewards of those choices. I talked about our relationship with God and each other. I told her that what we have together was worth waiting for and working to protect. I encouraged her to find a church that would love her and Jessie. Again, I was struck by her innocence. She listened with the curious eyes of a child.
I beg you to pray for Hanna and Jessie. They are worth claiming for Christ's kingdom. Hanna could decide right now to make different choices for her life. She could have everything she has dreamed of and more.
She could and should flee from the sexual choices that she and her family have been making. She could decide she is a Holy Child of the King and that her body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. She could love her body the way Christ intended her to love it.
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NIV
I also beg you not to judge Hanna. We need to model love and mercy to Hanna. She needs to long for the love and forgiveness of Christ the way a thirsty person longs for water. Christ's sons and daughters have a responsibility to draw people to this love. She needs to want what those of us that are in a committed love relationship with our spouses and Christ have.
We need to be her vision for what is possible. She is missing so much of life and our compassion is appropriate. If we judge her, we ourselves will be judged. I'm not sure any of us could hold up under close scrutiny.
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38 NIV
If Hanna or someone like Hanna comes to your church and is trying, I beg you to forget her past and embrace her. She needs a chance. If she accepts the forgiveness of Christ, God himself keeps no record of her past. Help her raise her child. Teach her how to parent and make better choices. Invite her to spend time with your family. Teach her what a Christ centered relationship looks and feels like. Pray for her. Love her.
And finally, do everything you can to help our youth embrace the joys of the Christian marriage.
Don't be afraid to talk about sexuality with our older children and youth. Sexual immorality is very serious because it is against one's own body. Mistakes made at a young age can damage self-esteem for a lifetime. Sexually transmitted diseases steal our youth from us. Teach them to be faithful to their mates before they ever meet them. Expect their faithfulness. Their faithfulness is worth the wait.
If your relationship with your spouse isn't one the youth would find wonderful and exciting, seek help. You owe it to yourself and to the young people watching you to have everything that God intended for you. He intended for us to be deeply in love with our mates and to stay together for a lifetime. Our sexuality binds us together and cements that love. It is supposed to be Holy, exciting, fun, and rewarding. Teach our youth to use it the way it was intended by modeling that yourself.
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