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Starting Over
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Starting Over
My conversation started when Edith came up to me and said, "So, you are traveling alone. I like to see independent women. Tell me about you."
Edith was married 45 years. She had a wonderful marriage and after 45 years, she loved her husband more than ever before. She and her husband were active in a Baptist church and had a deeply personal relationship with God.
Her husband was in the sheep business for his entire adult life. They had two sheep farms and a summer and winter home. Business had been good for them and they were comfortable financially. They were also careful and saved well.
Edith was so excited. Her doctor had just told her that she was completely cancer free after a difficult year. She and her husband celebrated. They felt like they had a new lease on life.
Just a few days after her good news, her beloved husband dropped dead from a heart attack.
Edith was devastated. She had never lived alone and she didn't know what she was going to do. In addition to her grief, she also had many financial decisions to make. She was terrified.
She did what she had done all of her life. She turned to God and the Bible for help. She said God sent her the story of Isaac and his fears for his future. See Genesis 26 for the entire story. God spoke to Isaac and promised he would take care of him.
She said she knew that God was speaking to her and telling her to have no fear of the future. She decided she was not going to be afraid to face the future. She also made a decision that she was going to trust God and enjoy the rest of her life.
"That night the LORD appeared to him and said, ‘I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you.’" Genesis 26:24 NIV
That was eight years ago. She loved her summer home and decided to move there permanently. She sold her winter home and one sheep farm. She kept the other one for her children's inheritance.
She said she loves her life. She loves being independent and being able to make her own decisions.
She has discovered a talent for writing children's Bible stories and uses it in her church. I heard one of her stories and it was quite good.
She has become a mentor for many of the youth in her church and her house is constantly filled with young people and noise. She loves the fact that they can stay as late as they want to and no one will care.
She loves being able to travel anytime with anyone who invites her. She is fun and I'm guessing that she has many invitations. She said that no matter where she goes, she is in church on the weekend.
She said she has had two very good lives. She has enjoyed them both and wouldn't trade either of them.
Her first one was a sweet partnership with Christ at the center. She lovingly focused on her husband, children, and their mutual business. She and her husband did everything together. They made all of their decisions together.
Her second life is also Christ centered but she is independent and free to make her own decisions. She has learned so much about herself and what she can do. She has talents she didn't know she had. She said she would have never discovered these things if she hadn't had this time alone.
She joked and told me that I really had the life. I had my independence and got to be married every two weeks. She joked that seeing a husband every two weeks was just about right.
She is right that my husband supports what God leads me to do. I am very blessed that my husband is not threatened by my independence or my abilities.
She is wrong about it being good to only see him every two weeks. I miss him. We have done everything together since high school. Also note that if my husband asked me to return home with this journey incomplete, I would do in at a moment’s notice.
Edith still wears her wedding ring and has no interest in ever getting married again. She said she hasn't finished learning from this second life yet.
I asked how she had managed financially. She laughed. The recent stock market problems haven't helped her financial situation. She also had invested in her local Baptist Association and they had heavy losses due to the difficulties with Enron and Arthur Anderson.
She has lost $250,000 in recent days. She has some money left and still has the farm but she thinks of the farm as belonging to her children. She said God will provide and will tell her what to do.
As I listened to her, I saw the grief of losing her husband. She loved him. I also saw someone who trusted God with her future. When she no longer had a husband, she asked God what was next. He told her. She listened. She is still listening. Because she loves God, everything that happens to her works together for her good.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 NIV
Edith was prepared physically for the events in her life. I consider financial part of preparing physically. She and her husband had prepared financially.
Are you preparing for your financial future? If not, start today.
She was prepared emotionally. She let herself grieve. She grieved a little as we talked about it. She understood that it was normal and didn't apologize for it. She drew a clear line between grief and self-pity and refused to wallow in self-pity.
Have your emotions crossed a line and are you now struggling with self-pity? Take a deep breath. Stomp your foot and say “no” to the demon self pity. Don't let it steal your life.
Edith was prepared spiritually for the changes that life dealt her. She had developed a mature relationship with God and she was able to recognize the voice of God.
Can you hear God speaking? If not, get to know him now so that when you really need him, you will be able to hear him.
Has a major change in your life shaken up your world? Learn from Edith.
Grieve first. Grief is not a sin. It is not a lack of faith. It is a healing emotion sent by God. Don't be afraid of the pain and the time it takes.
Turn to God and the Bible. Ask the Holy Spirit to interpret what you read. God will tell you what to do next. Take his comfort. Take his encouragement. Take his directions. Believe that he will send them.
Smile at your future. Like Edith, there is an exciting adventure ahead.
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