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A Birthday Tribute
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A Birthday Tribute
Continuously
September 9th is my mother’s 74th birthday. Everyone describes my mother as a Southern Belle. This is the only way to describe her.
She has blond hair that is styled every week. It does not move for the entire week. I have only seen my mother with wet hair once that I can remember. I walked into the beauty shop while she was getting her hair done and I could not find her. I was astounded when I realized she was sitting right in front of me. I did not recognize her with flat hair. She is the only person I know that can water ski without getting her hair wet. My brother and I could always find her because of her “big hair.” When I want to aggravate her, I drop things in her hair. They cannot be retrieved until her weekly appointment.
Mama only enjoys “real” jewelry and wears plenty of it. She always dresses beautifully. Strangers come up to us and remark about how pretty my mother is. I am not sure she owns a pair of flats. If she does own flats, you can bet they are gold.
In typical Southern Belle fashion, my mother is friendly and constantly gets flirted with. When the two of us go anywhere together, she has always been the one that men flirted with. At 16, I still had hope that the positions would swap one day. At 50, I have accepted the fact that mother is the one that men flirt with.
My mother laughs at the flirting and takes it in stride. Probably part of the knack for being flirted with is expecting it without seeming to invite it. My mother has a good attitude about flirting. When women flirt with my also “very attractive” father, my mother laughs and says it is a compliment to her. So…..she gets credit when she gets flirted with and when Daddy gets flirted with.
My mother and father are very social people. They join things and get active in them. They belong to all of the Masonic organizations, the garden club, The Friday Musical, church, a railroad organization, and are even active in their Credit Union. I have probably left some out.
Everywhere I go, people know my parents. I get invited to formal events where they are honored for their service. Mama has been married to my father for 54 years and they definitely flirt with each other.
Mama is very Southern Baptist. She accepted Christ as a young child and has always been faithful to her church. I am not sure she has ever visited another denomination and as far as I know, has only been a member of two different churches in her entire life. Over the years, she has taught Sunday School, been active in WMU, sung in the choir, helped with Bible School, and been a part of the “shut in” ministry. She and Daddy have consistently served together in the nursery.
I am pretty sure my mother is a student of Song Of Solomon. When I married, she told me there was no reason to ever tell my husband “no” and that I would only be hurting myself. Since I watch her telling my father no about buying new boats, cars, etc., I knew she could only mean one subject. It is pretty good advice.
One day, early in my marriage, she heard me scolding my husband. She does not mind scolding at all but she has rules about the scolding. She explained that if you were going to scold your husband, you had to do it carefully. She said you had to protect their “male ego.” This was before writing about “male egos” was popular. Modern day psychologists would love her because her scolding focuses on specific behaviors and is not personal. I tried to take my mothers advice because I did not want to be like “constant dripping on a rainy day.”
Proverbs 27:15-16
A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.
(from New International Version)
While she will scold, she will not gossip. If she has ever said anything bad about me to anyone, I do not know about it. She also can keep a secret. Nothing private I tell my mother will go any further. I have never heard her complain about her sisters, children, grandchildren, or husband in any kind of public setting. She is fiercely loyal. I only wish my record was that good.
Proverbs 20:19
A gossip betrays a confidence, so avoid a man who talks too much.
(from New International Version)
I do not want to make anyone think I have a perfect mother. Mother is human. My childhood friends all liked my mother and when I would try to complain about my “human” mother, they would offer no sympathy.
We went through all the natural adjustments mothers and daughters go through. Mothers have to learn how to “let go” and be a parent to an adult. Daughters have to learn how to stand up and be an adult.
We have different priorities about cooking and cleaning and do better with separate kitchens when we travel together. It is probably no surprise to anyone that I am the irresponsible one in the kitchen. She cleans my kitchen every time she comes over and I appreciate it. She does still try to teach me how clean. I guess mothers never loose hope for their hopeless daughters.
Mother tried to make a Southern Belle out of me. I am a dismal failure as a Southern Belle. She put me in clothes that itched and had crinolines. I fell in ditches and got filthy. I cannot stand the feeling of nylon and wanted denim. She tried to teach me to walk in high heels and I prefer comfortable shoes or bare feet.
I have learned to accept it when I get a spot on my clothes and she dips a napkin in water and gets it off. She and I both do the same thing to my adult daughter.
While visiting my cousins in Kansas, I looked at a picture of me at age two with my curls and full lacy dress. I was tiny on the big couch and my legs were spread wide for balance. My cousin said my mother recently saw that picture and complained, “Look how Cherry was sitting.” I still remember her trying to teach me how to “sit like a lady.” I no longer feel guilty when I sit in business meetings with my legs curled under me.
Cherry is her nickname for me. Only she and my aunts have permission to call me that so do not get any ideas. It is pronounced like the name “Sherry” but they spell it with a Ch since my name is Cheryle. Cherry simply does not fit but they see me as a Cherry. Love is blind.
What I do want to say about my mother is that we have learned our lessons very well. Mama and I are very good friends. We travel together, talk, and visit often. She loves to laugh and is fun. She is affectionate and says she loves me every time we talk.
She knows when I need a “mommy” and when I only need a “friend.” I talked to her while driving to the vet to put my dog to sleep. I needed a “mommy.” I cried and she comforted. She offered to come with me.
In trying to comfort, she said that I would get another dog. I assured her that this was the last dog I was ever going to own.
She laughed and said that I would get another dog. She reminded me that they have not owned a dog since I left home. She says I am a dog person. Mothers are always right. I am looking for another dog.
She brought me flowers the night my dog died. She came over and cried with me the night I lost my job.
My mother has been a very active part of my trip. When I told her I was going, she got quiet. She did not really understand it but she wanted to support it. I could tell she was frightened for me but she never tried to talk me out of going. She laughs and says that nothing I do will surprise her. I appreciated her support. My cousins say she is very proud of me and talks a lot about what I am doing.
She and I talk on the phone a couple of times a week. She gets on my website every night. She has read all of my stories. She prints the stories out for my father, aunt, and uncle. She is one of my “AOL Buddies” and she and I are on line often at the same time. We talk on “Instant Messenger.” She is faithfully praying for me.
This trip has made extra work for Mama. She has handled some things for me back home. My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed and my mother did all of the “after care” for that.
The standard for how to be a daughter was set by watching my mother be a daughter for her mother. She loved her mother and was a faithful daughter. I want to be the same. My mother had cancer a couple of years ago and I tried to live up to the standard she set in caring for her mother. I am very conscious that how I treat my mother is teaching my children how to treat me.
In closing, let me say that everyone has the right to be judged by his or her best moment. I have described to you my mother’s best moments. Writing my mother’s best moments made me very thankful for her. I thank God for my mother. She is a cancer survivor and I am so grateful that I still have her.
Give your mother a hug and tell her that you love her. Write down her best moments.
If you know my mother, give her a hug and tell her that you love her.
Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
(from New International Version)
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