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Learn - Using the Hard Lessons
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Using the Hard Lessons
Phil 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
NASU
In 1995, I lost my oldest son, David, to AIDS. While it was the darkest saddest time in my life, it was also a glorious time of loving, learning, and celebrating. We first met David when he was six years old. He moved into our house as a foster child on his 7th birthday. Eventually, we adopted him. Our David was a sweet, beautiful smart little boy whose innocence was stolen before he was old enough to describe what was happening to him. For the first few years he lived in our home, he was the ideal child. He was a good student, active in church, affectionate, and musically gifted. We loved and enjoyed him and he seemed to feel the same about us.
In David’s mid teens, everything began to fall apart. He became addicted to the same drug as his biological mother. He lived on the streets, was gay, and promiscuous. He became a criminal and was in and out of jail. Many people tried to help him but nothing worked until he was ready. He contracted AIDS and became sick. In 1994, he finally hit a bottom and reached for help.
During the last year of David's life, he returned to God. He was active in a 12-step program and stayed drug and alcohol free. He reestablished ties with us and we had a wonderful year. He knew he was dying and gave us special lasting gifts for every holiday of that last year. David’s early years and last year with us were precious. The years in between destroyed him and anything we could have had with him.
When David died, I grieved deeply. I grieved the child he was and could have been. I grieved the man he became and the man he was on the way to becoming. I cried about the lost holidays, grandchildren, and broken dreams. In my distress, I went to the scriptures and there I found a series of scriptures that led me from grief to joy. About 6 months after he died, I went into a private season of prayer that lasted for several weeks. It was during that time that I found the scriptures that led me from bitterness and regret to celebration.
Everywhere I go, I meet people who have lost children and God enables me to use the lessons I learned to help others in their season of grief. I met Lois in a campground near Chattanooga, Tennessee. We spent 3 hours together. Two years before, her 36-year-old healthy loving son died suddenly in his sleep. It turned her world upside down and she had not recovered. She and her son were Christians and she knew he was in heaven but she couldn’t get past the pain of living on this earth without him. At this point in her life, she had left her home and husband and was living and working in campgrounds. While she loved her other two children and grandchildren, she didn’t believe she’d ever again have the unconditional love she had with the son she tragically lost. For her and everyone else that lost people they loved, I thought I’d once again share the scriptures that God sent me in my season of grief.
GRIEF
EVERYONE HAS A “TURN FOR GRIEF”
Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22
WE CAN EXPECT DIFFICULT TIMES
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering. 1 Peter 4:12
TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE
My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud; My voice rides to God, and He will hear me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; In the night my hand was stretched out without weariness: My soul refused to be comforted. When I remember God, then I am disturbed; When I sigh, then my spirit grows faint. Thou hast held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, The years of long ago. I will remember my song in it; I will meditate with my heart; And my spirit ponders. Psalm 77:1-2
CRYING HELPS
Cry out to the Lord. Joel 1:14
ATTITUDES AND EMOTIONS
ANGER IS A HEALTHY PHASE OF GRIEF - GOD CAN HANDLE OUR ANGER
Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died. John 11:32
DON'T GIVE IN TO SELF PITY - DECIDE TO HAVE AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
Though the fig tree may not blossom, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. Habakkuk 3:17-18
FIGHT THE DEMON OF DISCOURAGEMENT
And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9
DON'T ALLOW RESENTMENT
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15
UNDERSTAND THAT EVEN DEATH IS NOT AN ACCIDENT
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15
ASKING FOR HELP
JESUS UNDERSTANDS WHEN WE ASK FOR HELP
My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Matthew 26:39
IT IS OK TO BE WEAK - THROUGH WEAKNESS THERE IS STRENGTH
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
TELL OTHERS WHEN WE HURT
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Psalm 25:16
LEAN ON OTHERS
Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
GETTING THROUGH ONE DAY AT A TIME
DO THE WORK OF TODAY
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men. Colossians 3:23
FIND THE MIRACLES
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
REJOICE IN THE DAY
This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24
FIND OPPORTUNITIES FOR MINISTRY
So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men. Galatians 6:10
TALK ABOUT OUR DARKEST MOMENTS
What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight. Matthew 10:27
FULFILL OUR MINISTRY
Endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:5
HAVE FAITH - FAITH MAY BE ALL WE HAVE
Walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
SLOW DOWN
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
DO THE WORK OF THE LORD
God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction. Genesis 41:52
TAKE REFUGE
He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in Him I will trust. Psalm 91:2
OTHERS WHO ARE SHARING YOUR PAIN
ACCEPT HOW OTHER’S GRIEVE
But if you bite and devour one another, take care lest you be consumed by one another. Galatians 5:13
FORGIVE THOSE WHO DISAPPOINT US
Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Luke 23:34
OUR DIFFICULT PEOPLE DESERVE OUR LOVE AND HELP
Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40
TAKE AND GIVE COMFORT
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
USE GOD - GOD WILL HELP US LEAD
Give me wisdom and knowledge that I may lead. 2 Chronicles 1:10
PRAYER
THE SERENITY PRAYER
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
ACCEPTANCE
My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Thy will be done. Matthew 26:42
COURAGE
Be strong and do not loose courage, for there is reward for your work. 2 Chronicles 15:7
WISDOM
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; Discretion will guard you. Proverbs 2:10-11
FIND A PLACE FOR EXTENDED PRAYER TIMES
And it was at this time that He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God. Luke 6:12
LIVE IN A SPIRIT OF PRAYER
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
PRAY FERVENTLY
And being in agony He was Praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground. Luke 22:44
OVERCOMING
BELIEVE GOD WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN
O Lord my God, I called you for help and you healed me! Psalm 30:2
BELIEVE GOD GIVES STRENGTH
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
BELIEVE WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS!
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37
BELIEVE A PROMISE: GOD’S GLORY WILL BE REVEALED THROUGH US
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18
BELIEVE IN THE HOPE IN HEAVEN
God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death. Revelation 21:4
No one wants to learn how to lose a child but that dreadful lesson can be one of the most useful lessons we ever learn. We’re all heavenly bound and some of us are blessed to go to heaven earlier than others. I now think of my son David as the most blessed of all my children because he is with God.
Once, in the business world, we had a moment when we thought a computer developer’s mistake and cost us our entire business. Everyone was horrified and wringing their hands. The young brilliant man who had made the terrible mistake said, “This is the worse thing that can happen to someone.”
“No it’s not,” I said gently. “It was only a business mistake. No babies are dying because of your mistake. I’ve lost a son. That was worse.”
He looked shocked and said, “I guess losing a son was worse.”
“Yes,” I smiled, “And with the help of God, I survived it. We will survive this as well.” Our business did survive and actually got stronger as a result of the mistake. While the mistake was expensive, we found the money to pay for it, and learned from it.
Losing a son has put everything else in perspective. If I can learn to celebrate losing a son, I can eventually celebrate anything that happens to me.
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