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The Devotional Diva - My 21st Century Psalm
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The Devotional Diva – My 21st Century Psalm
By Barbara Gobbs
Executive Assistant and Ministry Partner - Pocket Full of Change Ministries
Dear Friends, I had something totally different in mind for us today, yet I "accidentally" came across something I wrote in 2004 during a tremendously sad time in my life. Most, although not all, I kept very private. I started to pass over this today and then had that small feeling that someone might need to hear it.
We all have times of what seems like insurmountable grief and confusion. We don't always make it public to others. But it's there with us all the time. It feels like we'll never come out of it, yet God is the God of coming out of darkness and into the light. If there is one among us today who is treading across dark and dismal waters - take courage and take joy - there is always hope because there is always God. Love, Barbara
My 21st Century Psalm written 9/27/04
My soul is in anguish and it finds no resolve.
Despondent waves roll over my spirit.
I fear there is no place to hide from my grief.
Feeling much like the Job I have been reading of late.
Such integrity to suffer and yet not sin, but he indeed cursed the day
he was born and cried forth in confusion and frustration. As I do now.
My suffering too has exceeded my stamina and my grasp to understand why.
My sin, ever present before me, has been confessed but I dare not claim
to stand righteous before a holy and almighty Yahweh.
Too many times have I been hit with troubles and sorrow.
My words fail to make a sound and my prayers fail to bring comfort.
I will not cry ‘what have I done to deserve this calamity’.
To understand what to do, this is my dilemma. I cannot find the right way.
I cannot hit the right chords to stir my slumbering reason to life.
God is there, I cannot see Him or feel Him, but He is there – lurking.
Thirty days, yet forty have I been afflicted and of no use to any.
I am lost – but I know my salvation remains. This I cling too.
What is my lesson that I should wander so aimlessly about these days?
I question not the suffering. I question not the hard times. I question me.
Where have all the good words gone? Where is the counsel I could once give?
My knuckles are white from holding to a scarlet shred of sanity. I will cling tighter still.
I know better than to fall like this. I know I am not more than I am.
It is from the depths of the darker places my feelings come. I despise them.
I long to be free. Free to find myself. Free to rest even amidst the turmoil.
I have decided this freedom may be slow in coming. I lack understanding as to why.
I do know this, God is God of my universe. He is the giver of freedom. If I wander,
He has a purpose for there is something I must discover.
I confess my weakness time and time again. I know God is there – lurking.
While I stand forlorn and frazzled, I am not forgotten, nor forsaken.
This comforts my spirit for sweet brief moments before being overwhelmed again.
Now, the waves lessen their attack and the fog, although still present, is less thick.
Understanding why I retreated so deeply still escapes my reason. Yet, I am in here.
Somewhere to be found - found by the One who loses nothing.
I feel the darkness might be ending, or am I deceiving myself?
The certainty of God’s presence is getting stronger, although questions remain.
However, answers will bring little relief, only the Father can bring peace.
I will lift my head this moment and seek once more His face.
If I find Him not, I will seek further still. Total surrender to darkness is not acceptable.
How can I give up on a God who refused to give up on me? This will bring me peace.
This season of days seems never ending. Yet, it will pass like a cool breath.
Trouble will end and begin again and end again. God will never end.
He will carry me in His arms and set my feet next to His and we will stand together.
I have given in, but not given up. I have been worn down but not worn out.
I will persevere, God will prevail. It is time to arise and to walk again in the light.
Darkness is temporary. The Light is eternal. Funny, now I can see.
Barbara Gobbs is a ministry partner with and the Executive Assistant of Pocket Full of Change Ministries. For more information, to schedule a speaker for an event, or to request a newsletter, go to www.pocketfullofchange.org or call Gail Golden, Publicist at 904 316-5462. This ministry is supported by donations. If this ministry helps you or others, and God calls you to help support this work, you can make a donation to Pocket Full of Change Ministry at POB 51205, Jacksonville Beach, Florida 32240.
© Pocket Full of Change Ministries
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